pictures....

Pictures..... Why is it in pictures that large people look larger and small people look the same?

Does it have anything to do with the way we see ourselves? Do we really look that bad? I know that all my life I have been a bigger girl. I know that all my life I have hated having people take my pictures.

I know that I have made progress, I can see it in my shape, my clothes, and the way I feel. my pants are loose, my shirts are too big, my gut doesn't hold my breasts up, my bra cup is too big but still...

Somehow though I am still not happy with what I see in pictures!

Drop me a comment , click on the little "comment" below

Amanda The graduate!

This is Amanda. She is such a wonderful young woman. Hard to believe I can say that now. We have had the privilege to be a part of this wonderful girls life since she was just 4. It is amazing over the years how the kids have grown and become their own people.

Well she graduated from Loyalist college this week. She had excellent marks. She has finally finished her child and youth worker and has already found a job.

Her parents had a small party for her on Thursday night. This was her opening her gifts.
She will unfortunately be moving out of Ontario but she will be with Ethel's family ( her Mom's) she has already got and apartment and is starting her life. One day her parents will move down east and be with her again when the retire but until then we look forward to seeing her when she comes home.

So Amanda. We cannot tell you how much you mean to us, how incredibly proud we are of you and what a wonderful young woman you have turned out to be.

We all love you very much and will miss you!

Sweet Baby Lauryn!

Sweet Baby Lauryn. We finally got to meet her. Nine days late but totally worth the wait. We had Todd and Steph down for supper. She was born last Thursday, we saw her at the hospital on Friday. Dalton was in school and Tyson spent and hour with Nanny, they weren't allowed on the maternity floor anyway. They were so pushy to see the pics we took of her at the hospital. SOOO Cute they said.

So on Tuesday that is all I heard all day. When is she coming. What time are they going to get here. Is it time yet. Can you text Steph. and so on.....



So they got here and as you can see from the pictures I had two super excited boys. Tyson couldn't wait to hold her. Steph didn't even have her in the house and they were all over them. He told Todd that he is going to marry her. Todd just said figures, better get my shotgun now!! We all laughed.

Dalton was the exact opposite. He held her like a pro. He was so attentive to her. Coddling her and making sure she was safe. He recently did the babysitting course so he knows all about what to do. I said he was just securing himself a job. (LOL) But he kept an eye on her all evening telling Tyson to stay away.

Regardless, I think that we all think she is pretty neat. I don't think she knows yet but she has a ton of fans already. I also don't think she knows yet how many people love her and what great parents she has. Someday, someday she'll know.

But in the meantime, we'll be spending all kinds of time together. Tell Mom to get that stroller out we have to get that pre-baby body back! Her and I both ( even though my baby will be five in August).

So to our friends new little pumpkin... we look forward to watching you grow and be a part of our lives. And can't wait to give you really loud toys!!

Love you Lauryn ( and your Mom and Dad well, :) they ain't so bad either )

GIVE AWAY!!!

Skin MD is having a give away. Just click on this link to try and win. Canadians can apply too!!
http://www.skinmdnatural.com/july-4-giveaway.php

It is great stuff!! I hope you don't win so I can!! But give it a go anyway!

Don't look back!!

So a few weeks ago I was looking for some newer summer clothes. My husband calls me cheap. Cheap because I don't spend money on myself. Cheap because I spend money on other people, my kids, him, everything but myself. I haven't bought any new clothes in two years since the fire happened.

So I decided that I was going to go and look around for some new stuff that might catch my eye for summer. I first went into Pennington's. I like their clothes, they wash up great for work and withstand the wear. Here is the thing though. Everything I tried on in there was so damn big that it looked sloppy. Even the XL. Trust me I am not that small and I know it but I think their sizes are bigger. or something. Because, there was no buying that stuff.

Even when I look in the mirror I see changes but I still see that fat person looking back. How do you change your self impression. When you don't see what others see? Why do women find it so hard to find the good in themselves or just not care what they appear like. most men don't. They don't have the self consciousness that woman have. Some do. Most don't.

I plan on trying to turn my head to the fat person looking back, but it's going to be hard. We are so critical of ourselves.

It did feel good to know that I didn't have to shop there anymore. I can go to a regular store and purchase something that might fit a bit better. But until then I'm happy with my XL and 2XL old stuff. Call me cheap. or call me the girl working her way into that smaller size.

Until then. I'm good. I am also happy that when I put my clothes on now, it isn't too tight, it isn't snug, and that most of it falls away from my body. Maybe with the new clothes I can shed that self conscious behavior that clothes aren't suppose to be tight!!

Hmmmm....in the meantime though I won't be looking back at the fact that I don't HAVE to shop there again because I have no other options.

Maybe my husband won't like the fact when I love myself more, that I might spend much more of our money on me..... after all don't I have to make up for lost time??

All things soccor!

The day has finally come. The day that Tyson can start to play soccer. He has been waiting to do some sort of activity that involved and organised sport. I am sure it has been because he watches his big brother go to basketball all the time and karate so he was just waiting for his turn.

I am so glad that my children want to be so active. when I was a kid we played outside, rode bikes and all that kinda stuff but kids now a days want to be tied to a video game, computer or television.

Don't get me wrong my kids love all that stuff too, but I am glad that they also enjoy to do all the other things. Tyson would be outside all the time if he could. So here are a few pics of his first night at soccer. Dalton wasn't ugly even though he looks that way, he just forgot his hat and it was so bright and so hot!

Of course Auntie Ethel was there to support him in everything they do!! Thanks Auntie Ethel for the timbits and for just loving us unconditionally! We LOVE you!

Tonight he managed to get a goal and a SHINER! First ever for both. We don't know how but it must have been from an elbow, shoe or a soccor ball. At one point he thought he'd do a David Beckham but yeah....not so much!

Here he is sporting his shiner, a dirty face and the new short hair!

Great Job Ty Ty, we love you!

back in the groove.

Even though I was having a hard go there for a while I have been back at it. Journaling my food. Weighing, measuring making myself accountable. I have trying to get more activity in here and there but I am hoping that once school is done for the kids that we can spend more time at the parks, beach and in our own pool that it will be easier to get into. Tyson loves activity but gets bored with it very quickly. if we go to the school playground and he has Dalton to keep him busy and to play with he keeps his stamina going and I can walk on the track while they play.

I am back down to 206 but it makes me mad that I was so close to being out of the 200's and that I let stress and frustration get to me.

I am not anorexic. I am not bulimic. But I defiantly know that I have issues with food. Issues in the sense that I think it is my friend that doesn't talk back. Comforts me when I need it. I need to start looking at it that it is a friendship that is killing me. And we all know when you have a friend like that in your life that makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you feel worse to be around in the long haul, kills your self esteem that you so get them out of your life. I can't get rid of the food, but I can certainly change my relationship with it. And that is what I plan on doing.

I don't want my kids learning that food is their friend. To rely on it for comfort. I want them to be strong, and secure enough in themselves that they can deal with anything.