Don't look back!!

So a few weeks ago I was looking for some newer summer clothes. My husband calls me cheap. Cheap because I don't spend money on myself. Cheap because I spend money on other people, my kids, him, everything but myself. I haven't bought any new clothes in two years since the fire happened.

So I decided that I was going to go and look around for some new stuff that might catch my eye for summer. I first went into Pennington's. I like their clothes, they wash up great for work and withstand the wear. Here is the thing though. Everything I tried on in there was so damn big that it looked sloppy. Even the XL. Trust me I am not that small and I know it but I think their sizes are bigger. or something. Because, there was no buying that stuff.

Even when I look in the mirror I see changes but I still see that fat person looking back. How do you change your self impression. When you don't see what others see? Why do women find it so hard to find the good in themselves or just not care what they appear like. most men don't. They don't have the self consciousness that woman have. Some do. Most don't.

I plan on trying to turn my head to the fat person looking back, but it's going to be hard. We are so critical of ourselves.

It did feel good to know that I didn't have to shop there anymore. I can go to a regular store and purchase something that might fit a bit better. But until then I'm happy with my XL and 2XL old stuff. Call me cheap. or call me the girl working her way into that smaller size.

Until then. I'm good. I am also happy that when I put my clothes on now, it isn't too tight, it isn't snug, and that most of it falls away from my body. Maybe with the new clothes I can shed that self conscious behavior that clothes aren't suppose to be tight!!

Hmmmm....in the meantime though I won't be looking back at the fact that I don't HAVE to shop there again because I have no other options.

Maybe my husband won't like the fact when I love myself more, that I might spend much more of our money on me..... after all don't I have to make up for lost time??